


where we can go

by sarcasm_and_sabres



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: 2018-2019 NHL Season, 5+1 Things, Fluff, M/M, Sexual Content, but only in one section, so it's easy to skip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 14:02:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17829932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarcasm_and_sabres/pseuds/sarcasm_and_sabres
Summary: Jeff's not a homewrecker. He's not.(he's really, really not)Or, five times Jeff Skinner wasn't sure where he stood with Sam and Jack and the time he finally figured it out.





	where we can go

**Author's Note:**

> If you found this by searching yourself, please don't read it. This is fictional and intended solely for personal entertainment.
> 
> If you want to skip the explicit content, go straight to the second section. Section four deals with a concussion. There's nothing else that needs to be warned for, as far as I can think of, but please let me know if there's something I missed!

1\. 11/13/18—TBL 1 @ BUF 2

“Alright, first round’s on me!” Jack calls when the team crowds into the booth. A cheer goes up from the team and Jeff grins, leaning into Sam next to him. Jack’s excitement seems to be spreading through the team, and it’s a damn good look on him. 

“Here,” Sam says, passing two shots and a beer over to Jeff. “Our goal scorer deserves this, eh?”

“Thanks,” Jeff says, patting Sam’s arm in gratitude. He shifts one of the shots over to Okposo, because he did score what was ultimately the game-winner, and leaves the other in the middle of the table, sipping at the beer. He wants to remember tonight. It’s early yet in the season, he knows, but he’s got a good feeling about this season. Beating Tampa Bay at home and extending their win streak? Definitely a feeling he wants to savor.

Jack slides into the booth next to Jeff, slinging an arm around Jeff’s shoulders and squeezing Sam’s shoulder on the other side. Jeff tries not to feel a little slighted at it. Sam and Jack are the opposite of a secret on this team, and Jeff’s happy for them, really he is. It’s great to see how Jack’s eyes light up when he’s with Sam and the soft smiles Sam gets when he watches Jack. 

It’s especially great to see how accepting the team is about them. Jeff’s been on other teams where players were together but it was never talked about. But here, he’d gotten dragged off by Caber and Pommer on his first day. 

“So. Sam and Jack,” Caber had said.

“They’re together, and it’s not a secret, and you’re not to treat them any different than any other guy in a relationship on the team. And you absolutely cannot out them to anyone.”

“And if you feel like saying anything homophobic, keep it the fuck in or you’ll have the entire team out to get you.” Caber had smiled brightly, patting Jeff on the shoulder. “Got it?”

“Uh—yeah. Of course,” Jeff had stammered. “I wouldn’t—I’m not that guy.”

He’d be the opposite of that, if the team knew him. A gay guy isn’t exactly going to be the biggest threat of a homophobic teammate. 

“You good, Skins?” Jack asks, knocking his foot against Jeff’s. “You’re not allowed to be having a bad night, not after that beauty of a goal.”

“I’m not having a bad night,” Jeff says, forcing a smile onto his face. “What could be better than this?”

“You want us to find someone to go home with you?” Sam asks, gently elbowing Jeff in the ribs.

Jeff chokes on his sip of beer, setting it down too hard and letting Jack pat him on the back repeatedly. 

“Um—um, no thanks. I’m not really looking to pick up a stranger right now,” Jeff says, almost wishing he wasn’t sandwiched between Sam and Jack.

“Not a stranger, huh?” Jack asks, turning his bright smile on Jeff. And while he might not be the most conventionally attractive guy, the combination of bright blue eyes and infectious smile makes Jeff smile involuntarily. “Well, I know someone who might be willing to help with that.”

“A couple of someones, I think you mean,” Sam says, and Jeff looks over at him, then back at Jack, and over at Sam again.

“Wait, are you two—“

“If you don’t want to, absolutely no pressure,” Sam says.

“But if you want a night to get off with guys you know aren’t going to out you, we’re right here,” Jack says. “But if not, I totally get it.”

Jeff swallows hard, picking up his beer and downing the remaining half of it in one go. “I’m down.”

“Yeah?” Sam and Jack exchange looks, and then Jack’s shrugging into the jacket on the seat next to him. “You sure?”

“Absolutely,” Jeff says. “Let’s go.”

He waves at the team members still scattered around the table, scooting out of the booth after Jack. Sam follows him, a hand on Jeff’s lower back. He can’t focus on the goodbyes from the rest of the team, Sam’s touch sending sparks through his body.

Sam climbs into the backseat of Jack’s car after Jeff, and running his fingers along Jeff’s bare wrist.

“You don’t mind both of us, right?” he asks, leaning close enough that his breath ghosts over Jeff’s ear. 

“No—no, of course not,” Jeff manages.

“Hey, don’t get started without me,” Jack says from the driver’s seat, glancing back at them with a smile when he comes to a stop at a red light. Sam laughs and reaches forwards to flick Jack’s ear, getting another smile from their captain.

The car ride passes in comfortable silence, the only noise the faint rock music playing from the speakers. It’s not late enough for the roads to be empty, but it’s quiet enough that Jeff feels the unique sense of peace that only seems to come with being in a quiet car late at night.

Except for Sam’s hand on his arm. There’s absolutely no reason for Jeff to be so fixated on such a simple touch, but it’s probably the promise of more to come later. It’s definitely the promise of more to come later.

Things move rapidly once they arrive, and Jeff’s standing in the kitchen being thoroughly kissed by Jack before he even really has time to take in the house around them.

“Upstairs?” Sam asks from somewhere nearby, and Jack breaks off the kiss to nod and link hands with Sam. “Jeff? You good?”

“Of course,” Jeff says, forcing his knees to unlock so he can follow his teammates to the bedroom. 

Everything seems to transition to fast forward again when they’re there, Sam dragging Jack in for a rough kiss with one hand tangled in Jack’s hair as he undoes Jack’s pants with the other. Jeff can feel himself starting to harden and he has to resist the urge to stick a hand into his pants.

“C’mere,” Jack grunts at him, eyes bright when he looks over. “No standing there all by yourself.”

Sam takes advantage of Jack’s distraction to nip at his throat and pull his shirt off, and Jack’s standing there completely naked while both of them are fully clothed and Jeff—Well. Jeff doesn’t think he was prepared for this.

“Good?” Sam breathes in his ear as Jack tilts Jeff’s face up for a kiss. Jeff barely has time to get out a yes before Jack is kissing him again and there are callused hands on his skin, rucking up his shirt and sliding into his boxers to palm his cock. Jeff goes from interested to fully hard way too quickly, and his hips buck involuntarily up into the hand on his dick.

“Pants?” Sam asks, and Jeff hates that he has to stop kissing Jack in order to respond.

“Want ‘em off,” he says, taking a ragged breath and diving back into kissing Jack. Sam obliges quickly, and Jack helps the process by getting Jeff’s shirt off as well.

Jeff doesn’t have time to feel self-conscious about being naked and about to have sex with his teammates before Sam grabs his jaw and turns his face to get in on the kissing, while Jack goes lower to get his mouth on one of Jeff’s nipples.

“Hey, bud.” Jack stops for a moment to talk, and Jeff feels Sam’s ripple of laughter when Jack smacks at his shoulder. “Too much clothing.”

“Yes, Cap,” Sam says when he pulls away from Jeff. He lifts his eyebrows and grins, and Jeff has the fleeting thought that that should not be as hot as it is before Sam’s taking off his own shirt. 

“Can I blow you?” Jack asks, and, yeah, he’s definitely looking at Jeff. 

“I—yeah. Yeah.” Jeff swallows hard. 

“C’mon, lie down, I’m too old to kneel for blowjobs,” Jack says, and Sam snorts inelegantly from where he’s climbed up to the head of the bed.

“You’re the youngest one here,” Jeff points out.

“You want your dick sucked or not?” Jack asks, and yeah, point. Jeff’s not going to let some easy chirps get in the way of that. He’s so focused on Jack that the kiss from Sam startles him, and he gasps slightly into it.

“You good?” Sam asks, pulling away slightly. 

“Fuck, yes, c’mon.” Jeff yanks him closer and kisses him again. And this time when he gasps into Sam’s mouth, it’s because Jack’s mouth is on his dick and there are fingers—Sam’s?—tugging at one of his nipples and Jeff lets his head drop back to the bed.

Sam’s still wearing pants, Jeff realizes when he reaches out blindly. He stops kissing Sam long enough to tap at his thigh and manages the word “Off.”

There’s laughter from both ends of the bed, and Jeff is going to comment on it, but Jack gets his mouth back on his dick and swallows and the words disappear as Jeff’s hips buck.

“Sorry, sorry,” he says hastily to Jack, carefully trying to hold himself still. Jack pulls off, grinning up at Jeff with a messy smile.

“You’re fine, feel free to fuck my mouth,” he says before going back down, and even if Sam hadn’t started kissing him again, Jeff doesn’t think he’d be able to manage a response anyways. 

He reaches out again towards Sam, this time getting a hand on Sam’s dick. Sam groans into the kiss as Jeff starts slowly jerking him off.

“Good?” Jeff asks, this time being the one to break their kiss.

“Of course,” Sam says, so Jeff takes that as an invitation to duck his head and start sucking a hickey into Sam’s neck. His hips jerk beneath Jeff’s hand and Jeff grins triumphantly at the strangled curses coming from Sam.

And then Jack does something with his tongue and Jeff’s brain goes empty with pleasure, except for to lift his head just enough to gasp out a warning to Jack.

Jack’s arm settles over Jeff’s hips, pressing them into the bed as he tongues at the head of Jeff’s cock and slips a finger under his balls and Jeff’s coming.

Jack swallows him down, then Jeff feels him pull off and another hand join his on Sam’s dick. Sam comes with a grunt a few moments later, and Jeff opens his eyes long enough to take in his expression and kiss him roughly through it. Sam flops down on the bed next to him, seemingly uncaring about the come splattered over his stomach. 

“Jack,” Jeff mutters, because he hasn’t gotten off yet and that’s not fair.

“I’m good,” Jack says, and Jeff rolls over to squint at him. It’s unfairly hot to watch Jack jerk himself off, but it’s also unfair of Jack to have to do all the work himself. Jeff leans forward and gets his mouth on a nipple, tugging at it lightly with his teeth, and it rewarded by Jack huffing out a ragged breath above him. 

Jack doesn’t last much longer, and when he’s spent, he leans his head on Jeff’s shoulder and kisses Jeff’s collarbone. 

The other side of the bed dips as Sam gets up, padding back a moment later with a couple of damp washcloths. He cleans them up efficiently, and Jeff figures that’s probably his cue to leave.

He starts to shift, but Jack just drapes himself more over Jeff’s chest.

“Stay?” he asks. “We’ve got extra toothbrushes somewhere and it’s not like anyone is gonna notice if you show up in Sam’s Sabres sweatshirt instead of yours.”

“Okay,” Jeff agrees. He feels like he’s intruding, lying between Jack and Sam in their bed in their house, but since he’s been invited...he can indulge himself for one night. One night, and then they can go back to being linemates and friends and nothing more.

 

2\. 11/14/18—Off Day

“Hey.” Sam nudges Jeff’s skate with his own, grinning at him from his locker. “Lunch after this? Jack’s paying.”

“Does Jack know he’s paying?” Jeff asks, glancing over at where Jack seems to be in deep discussion with Hutts.

“He will.” Sam shrugs. “So, you in?”

“Yeah, of course,” Jeff agrees. He wonders if this means they’re going to talk about last night, and he’s not sure how he feels about that. It was a great night, that’s for sure, and Jeff certainly wouldn’t say no to a repeat performance, but he doesn’t want to mess with Sam and Jack’s relationship. Jeff is a lot of things but the last thing he wants to be is a home wrecker.

“Good to go?” Jack asks, ruffling Sam’s hair when he walks over. Something in Jeff clenches at the easy and affectionate touches between the two of them. He’s been single for too long, probably. “I’m driving.”

“Yeah, surprise, surprise,” Sam mutters. 

“Jeff? Coming?” Jack asks, car keys in his hand and coat already on. 

“You’d know if you listened to me ask him two minutes ago,” Sam chirps before Jeff can get a word in edgewise. 

“Fine, I amend my original offer from the both of you to just Jeff, if you’re gonna be a dick.”

“Huh, I didn’t hear any complaints last night about my—“ 

“Oh, fuck you,” Jack laughs, smacking a hand over Sam’s mouth. “Be quiet and let’s go.”

Sam’s laughter remains once Jack’s removed his hand from his mouth, but he doesn’t chirp Jack any further as they walk to Jack’s car. 

Jeff figures that he’ll ride with Sam and Jack just for the sake of simplicity, and then Jack can drop him back off at the Harbor Center so he can drive home. He goes to throw his bag in the backseat of his car, because it’s not like he’ll need it at lunch.

“What’re you doing?” Jack asks before he can. 

“I was just—“ Jeff gestures between his bag and his car, but Sam snatches it.

“Naw, Jack’ll drive you home after, and we can pick you up tomorrow morning.”

Jeff expects a chirp from Jack about Sam making such an assumption, but Jack just nods. That’s…a lot of driving Jeff around. Driving him from the bar last night, driving him to get his car this morning, and now this.

“Thanks,” Jeff says instead of arguing. He doubts he’d win and it’s not worth it, not on a nice day like today.

 

“So,” Jack says as he squishes into the booth on Jeff’s right, Sam on Jeff’s other side, “your family’s coming in for the game next week, right?”

“Yeah, they are,” Jeff says. “That’s one of the best things about being in Buffalo, that they can come see me more often. It’s a little bit closer than Carolina.”

“As long as you don’t start blowing games in favor of the Leafs,” Sam says with a smile and a gentle elbow to Jeff’s ribs.

“Wow, you got me,” Jeff says dryly. “That’s the real reason I waived my no move clause to come here, because I want to help the Leafs.”

“I knew it, we’re onto you.” Sam shares a triumphant smile with Jack, and Jeff’s heart does something in his chest. 

“Hi, are you three ready to order?” a waiter asks, and Jeff winces. He hasn’t even opened the menu.

Jack must notice his look, because Jeff feels Jack’s hand on his thigh. “Trust me?” he asks softly.

It’s only for ordering lunch, but Jeff nods, a lump in his throat. He trusts Jack, maybe more than he should.

“We’ll both take the veggie wraps,” Jack says to the waiter. 

“And I’ll take the chicken parm,” Sam says. The waiter takes their menus and leaves.

 

They don’t talk about last night. It’s a nice lunch, and Jeff supposes he could bring it up, but if neither Sam nor Jack are going to start the conversation, he’s not going to. 

It’s fine. He can take a hint. This is meant to be something to restore things back to the norm, to establish that last night was a one time deal. This is a lunch between teammates and friends and nothing more. Sam and Jack will go home together and Jeff will go home alone. 

Which isn’t to say that Jeff’s not happy, because he absolutely is. He gets to play hockey for a living and he’s got great friends and a team that he knows will be supportive if he decides to come out and he hasn’t been actively looking for a relationship for awhile, so he can’t complain about being single. He’s living the dream.

 

3\. 11/29/18—BUF 4 @ TBL 5

“Come up to our room with us?” Jack asks as they stand in the lobby of their hotel. Sam’s gone up to get the key to his and Jack’s room, and Jeff should really go up and get his own, but he just doesn’t feel like it. Doesn’t feel like moving, actually. He wants to sink to the floor and replay that game until it changes to a win. He wants to have won eleven games straight. He wants to bring this team to the playoffs. He wants to play in the playoffs for once in his career. He wants—well, he wants a lot of things.

“Jeff?” Jack prompts, and Jeff realizes he probably should respond.

“Right, sorry. I’m tired, I think I might just go to sleep.”

“Hey.” Jack nudges Jeff’s foot with his own, and Jeff looks up at Jack’s concerned face. “It’s just one loss, right? We’ll start a new streak tomorrow. Don’t beat yourself up over tonight.”

“I don’t—“ Jeff starts, but changes his mind when he sees Sam coming over. “Never mind.”

“Jeff—“ Jack says. Sam cuts him off with a gentle hand on Jack’s elbow.

“I got your room key too, Jeff,” Sam says, passing it over. “But if you don’t want to be alone, our room is going to have an extra bed. We’d appreciate your company.”

“Okay,” Jeff agrees. He knows himself well enough to realize that he’s on a path to spiraling, and he won’t do the team any good if he spirals. They need to keep winning. He needs to keep them in a playoff spot.

“Let’s go, then.” Jack puts a hand on Sam’s lower back and tosses a smile over at Jeff. He tries to ignore the way Sam melts into Jack’s touch. They’re being nice and trying to keep Jeff from getting stuck in his own head.

“You want us to distract you, or you want to just go to bed?” Sam asks when they get up to the room. Jack drops his bag unceremoniously in the corner of the room and flops face first down on the far bed.

Jeff hears the slightly suggestive lilt to Sam’s tone, and he normally wouldn’t say no to an offer like that, but he’s dead tired. 

“I want—to go to playoffs,” is what comes out of his mouth as he sinks down on the other bed. 

Sam glances over at Jack, then sits down next to Jeff, putting a hand on Jeff’s knee. 

“We’ll get there,” Sam says. “And if somehow not this season, it’s not the end of your career. You’re not going to go your whole career never going to the playoffs.”

“It’s—God, I’m sorry.” Jeff laughs so he doesn’t have to make eye contact with Sam. “It’s not like you guys have either. I’m just—it feels like it’s me. That none of my teams have ever made it. This is my ninth season, and I’ve never even played in the first round.”

The bed dips behind Jeff, and then the warmth of Jack’s body is plastered along his back.

“It is absolutely not you,” Jack says, seeming almost angry. “You’re a fantastic player and a great teammate and person. You’ve just had extremely shitty luck. But we’re going to change that. This year, the three of us, yeah?”

“Jack’s right,” Sam says. “Tomorrow we’ll start a new win streak and we’ll all learn together what it’s like to play in the playoffs.”

“But tonight, I’m beyond beat,” Jack says. “How about you just come lie in bed with us tonight and none of us will be allowed to think about depressing or bittersweet things?”

Jeff allows himself a moment to feel, to lean into both of his teammates. Then he takes a deep breath and uses it to pull himself together. 

“Yeah. Let’s do that. And then let’s go fucking win tomorrow.”

“There’s the spirit,” Jack says, patting Jeff on the back. And Jeff might not feel the confidence he’s projecting, but he’s been in this league long enough to know that the illusion of confidence is the first step towards actual confidence. And if he can’t have it in himself, that’s what a team is for.

 

4\. 12/31/18—NYI 3 @ BUF 1

“How’s Jack?” Jeff asks Sam when the other forward comes back to the locker room after the game. Jeff’s already dealt with the media and showered, but Sam had bailed straight for the trainer’s room as soon as the game had ended.

Sam scowls, yanking off his jersey. “Concussion. He’s pissed and hurting.”

“Want me to go sit with him while you get cleaned up?” Jeff offers without thinking. He has no idea what this is between them anymore, but if he can give some help to either or both of them he wants to.

“That would be great, actually,” Sam says, giving Jeff a relieved smile. “Try not to let his attitude get to you, eh? He’s sometimes a little snappish when he’s hurt.”

“I won’t take it personally,” Jeff assures him. “I know how concussions are.”

“Right, of course. Sorry.” Jeff waves off the apology and heads out of the locker room to go find his captain.

“What?” an irate voice asks when Jeff slowly pushes open the door to the quiet room. 

“Hey, just wanted to see how you’re doing,” Jeff says, letting himself in and closing the door quickly now that he knows Jack is awake. He can’t get a good read on how Jack looks in the dark so he’ll have to rely on how Jack sounds.

“Well, we lost, we’ve been losing, my head hurts, and I won’t be able to do my damn job for God knows how long,” Jack snaps. “Why are you here?”

“I know how much concussions suck, and I thought you might like someone to sit with you instead of being alone in the dark.”

“I’m not up for a nice chat right now,” Jack warns, and though he doubts Jack can see him, Jeff shrugs.

“That’s okay. If you want me to go, that’s okay too. But I’d like it if you’d let me just sit here in silence with you.”

“Fine.” Jack doesn’t particularly sound like it is fine, but Jeff thinks it’ll do more harm right now if he doesn’t take Jack at his word.

They lapse into an almost oppressive silence, the dark and quiet weighing on Jeff along with the memories of his own days stuck like this with his own brain seeming like his enemy. Jack gets to dictate this, though. Jeff isn’t going to force unwanted conversation or touch onto him.

Finally, though, Jack does break the silence.

“Would you...come over here and just sit with me?” he asks softly, and Jeff kind of wants to cry. He sounds so young like this, nothing like the brash captain who would do anything to turn his team around.

“Of course,” Jeff says, getting up and crossing the room quickly. He perches next to where Jack is lying, lets Jack rest his head on Jeff’s thigh. He’s not sure how tender Jack’s head is right now so he settles for putting a hand on Jack’s shoulder and hoping the touch will soothe him.

The dark and silence feels less overwhelming like this, and Jeff can only hope that Jack feels it too. Despite how Jack probably feels and will feel as he recovers, he’s not alone in his own head. Jeff will be here as much as Jack wants him to be, and he doubts Sam will leave Jack alone any more than absolutely necessary.

There’s a faint knock at the door before it opens again, Sam’s worried face appearing. He relaxes a little when he looks at them, but Jeff’s pretty sure the worry won’t be completely eased until Jack’s back to a hundred percent.

“You two ready to go home?” he asks, and he’s got three bags slung over his shoulders and is carrying two jackets. He wants Jeff to go home with them. 

It’s obviously not for sex, there’s no way Sam would even consider that with Jack hurt. This goes beyond the scope of just hanging out as friends. Jack would have Sam there to help with whatever he needs. Jeff’s not really necessary here. Unless Sam and Jack just want him there, for whatever reason.

But Jack’s getting up and Jeff moves instinctively to offer his support, and he supposes it really doesn’t matter why. He wants to stay with them tonight and they seem to think him being there is a given, so he’s not going to ask questions.

Jack doesn’t protest the arm Jeff wraps around his lower back as they walk. Jeff’s not really sure what to do with that. He’s glad Jack will take his offered support, but he’s noticed that Jack only accepts help when he really needs it, and usually from Sam. And Jeff’s keenly aware that he isn’t Sam.

But Jack seems to want him here, so Jeff’s going to stay here.

When they get to the car, there’s no discussion, Jeff just climbs into the backseat with Jack. His captain takes the middle seat and leans into Jeff, burying his face in Jeff’s chest, which tightens at the remembered pain of concussions and car rides. 

The trunk closes behind them, and Sam gets into the driver’s seat, turning the music off immediately. Jeff catches the soft smile as Sam looks back at them before shifting into drive and heading back to Sam and Jack’s house. Jack’s still tense, probably from pain, and hiding his eyes in Jeff’s shirt, but just a flicker of an expression from Sam has eased some of Jeff’s worry. He wonders how much better his own concussions might have been if he’d had someone like Sam there with him.

 

They get Jack settled in bed as soon as they arrive, because he’s clearly at the end of his capacity to deal. There’s still a tightness to his face even with his eyes closed and buried in blankets, and Jeff flees to the bathroom when Sam beckons, feeling guilty.

“Do you want me to head out now?” he asks softly, so as not to disturb Jack. Sam turns from where he’d been going to grab his toothbrush.

“Did you want to go? I thought—“

“I mean, I don’t want to intrude...”

“You’re not intruding, I asked you to come. You can probably help him with this better than I can, anyways.”

“Hey, that’s not true. You know him better and you’ve helped him through injuries before,” Jeff says, squeezing Sam’s shoulder. “Jack needs you.”

“And he wants you here too,” Sam says. “If you don’t want to, we won’t make you do anything. Just… Stay? Please?”

“Okay,” Jeff agrees, unable to say anything else in the face of Sam’s obvious worry. If it’ll help his peace of mind or help Jack at all, it’s worth it.

“Thank you.” Sam relaxes a little, bumping Jeff lightly with his hip as he reaches across the counter. “Here. We hung onto your toothbrush.”

Jeff takes it automatically, then stares down at it for too long. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s probably just Sam and Jack being lazy. He doubts they thought about it enough to remember to throw it out. But—

It’s not the place, and certainly not the time, Jeff reminds himself as he takes the toothpaste Sam offers to him. He’s just here to ease the burden on Sam and to help take care of Jack.

When they come back into the bedroom, Jack stirs, and Jeff’s heart sinks. He was hoping Jack had been able to fall asleep already, but evidently no such luck.

“Sammy?” Jack murmurs. 

“Yeah, I’m here.” Sam gets into bed in front of Jack, wrapping an arm around him immediately and kissing Jack’s cheek. Feeling about as useful as a third skate, Jeff hesitates before climbing into bed behind Jack. 

This close, he can feel the tension that’s practically radiating off of Jack. Jeff remembers all too well the feeling of everything hurting from his head down, and without thinking he reaches out and starts massaging the back of Jack’s neck.

Jack groans, and Jeff freezes with his fingers still digging in on either side of Jack’s spine.

“Don’t you dare stop,” Jack says, quiet but with a hint of his usual authoritative tone. “That feels amazing.”

Jeff doesn’t say anything, just goes back to massaging, and Jack sighs, some of the rigidity of his muscles melting away. For the first time since Jack went down the tunnel tonight, Jeff thinks, all three of them are finally relaxed.

 

5\. 1/24/19—Night Before ASG Skills Competition

“I’m so glad you got to come here with me,” Jack says, arm around Jeff as they walk into the hotel room they’ll be sharing for the All-Star festivities. 

“Bad at making friends, bud?” Jeff teases. He’s more than glad to be here, though. In no small part because it’ll mean getting to spend time with Jack. 

“‘Scuse you, I’m already friends with most of the Americans here. Maybe it’s a concept you’re unfamiliar with, do Canadians not know what it means to keep up ties and maintain friendships from national teams?” 

“Wow, okay, rude. I’m going to bunk up with some of my Canadian friends instead of a rude American like you,” Jeff shoots back. 

“Hey, you play in America these days. And this rude American just so happens to be your captain.” Jack bumps his hip playfully into Jeff’s and grins as he walks over to put his bag by the window. “Not to mention we’re in San Jose, which is in California, which is part of the US.”

“Alright, smartass,” Jeff mutters. “I was going to take you out for dinner but I guess I’ll just go out on my own, then, eh?”

“Damn, I was gonna order room service and treat you,” Jack says. “What say you we compromise and order room service?”

“You need to look up the definition of a compromise.” Jeff snorts, walking over to the window to take in the view. Jack joins him a moment later, standing close enough that Jeff is keenly aware of his warmth. “I could do room service, though. I’m gonna run through the shower first, want to order for both of us?”

“I’ll get you five slices of cake and nothing else,” Jack says lightly. When Jeff risks a glance over at him, he’s smiling. 

“If that would make you happy, go for it.” Jeff can’t resist his own smile, and he turns away so Jack can’t see him and realize there’s all too much truth to Jeff’s words.

 

Dinner’s good, by room service standards, and by the time they’re done Jeff is glad they hadn’t gone out. He’s more tired than he should be after not having done much of anything besides travel today, and he agrees easily when Jack suggests a movie and then bed.

Jack’s stuff is strewn by the bed next to the window, but he climbs into bed with Jeff without a word once they’re both ready for bed. Jack’s obviously a tactile guy with the people he’s close to and Jeff considers himself pretty close to Jack at this point. He hadn’t really expected this with Sam not around, though. 

“Let’s watch Miracle,” Jack says, oblivious to the turmoil in Jeff’s mind. But hockey is something Jeff knows and he’s been chirping Americans since he was a child, so he digs an elbow gently into Jack’s ribs. 

“Why do I want to watch a bunch of upstart, cocky Americans win? Instead we could watch a recent Olympics, where Canada won gold and the US didn’t.”

“That doesn’t sound particularly fun,” Jack says. “Instead we could do this.”

He cups Jeff’s cheek, leaning in but stopping just short of actually kissing Jeff until Jeff closes the last bit of distance between them. Jack kisses back hungrily, as much intensity in his kisses as in everything he does. It’s great for a moment, then reality hits Jeff.

“Wait, wait,” he gasps, pushing Jack away. Jack moves back immediately, concern bright in his eyes.

“What’s wrong? I’m sorry,” he says.

“No, it’s not—“ Jeff shakes his head, frustration bubbling up beneath his skin. “Sam.”

“Oh.” Jack’s expression clears and he smiles again. “We talked. He’s fine with it. Sorry, I should’ve talked to you about it first.”

Jeff hesitates, and Jack looks worried again. “But if you don’t want to without Sam, that’s okay. We can just watch Americans dominate at hockey instead.”

“You know, I think if we called Sam, he’d agree with me,” Jeff says, relaxing when Jack lies back down next to him.

“Yeah, yeah, you two are good Canadian boys, I get it.” Jack rolls his eyes, fondness practically dripping from his voice. “Fine, do you have another suggestion, then?”

“If you can find it, I’ll watch Miracle with you,” Jeff says. “Might fall asleep on you, though.”

“That’s allowed,” Jack says, and then familiarly callused fingers are running through Jeff’s hair. “Excited for tomorrow?”

“Yeah, for sure.” Jack’s scrolling through the channels, but he pauses long enough to give Jeff a bright smile. “It’ll be nice to have a weekend off of stressful hockey and just to play.”

“And then back to the grind,” Jack says with an exaggerated sigh, fist pumping when he finds Miracle available on one of the movie channels.

“Like you mind, we play a game for a living,” Jeff mutters, eyelids dropping as the opening of the movie washes over them. Jack laughs softly, continuing to play with Jeff’s hair.

Jeff makes it through maybe half the movie before he can truly not keep his eyes open, and he mutters something that might resemble “Good night” at Jack and burrows under the blanket.

He feels Jack’s lips brush across his temple, and Jeff’s heart clenches. He wants this. He wants to go to bed surrounded by warmth every night and to be able to kiss Jack and be kissed by Jack when he’s fully awake. He wants Sam there, too. He wants to drag the world into a shape where neither of them will ever be anything but happy.

Except Jeff’s not the one who can do that. Jack and Sam do that for each other; all Jeff can do is make things misshapen and hurt the two men he loves.

He loves them, he realizes as quiet settles over the hotel room. He loves them, and they love each other, and for them to be happy, he needs to leave them to live their own lives. Together. Together, and without Jeff.

 

+1. 2/14/19—Off Day

“Hey, there you are!” Sam says, walking into the weight room and gesturing at something in the hallway behind him. Jeff would be willing to bet that it’s Jack. “We were gonna try to make some salmon tonight, have a nice dinner at home for once, and we wanted to invite you.”

Jack comes in halfway through Sam’s sentence, sitting on a bike next to where Sam is standing. Staying seated on the weight bench, Jeff takes a deep breath. He needs to do this now.

“It’s Valentine’s Day. I don’t—I need to stop. This. Us. There can’t be an us.”

Sam and Jack exchange a look, and Jeff hates that he can read it. Read them. It’s just more proof that he’s in too deep, that things are too close to breaking.

“You guys—you’re so good together.” Jeff fights to keep his voice even because neither of them are convinced. He can tell. “You’ve already been there for each other through a lot and you love each other and you can have this for the rest of your lives. You’re the dream. And—and I can’t have that dream.”

“But why?” Sam asks.

“You deserve to be happy, too. You deserve everything,” Jack adds, and Jeff drops his gaze to his feet. He can’t look at them while he admits to his betrayal.

“Because I’m in love with both of you. And I’m not going to be the person who ruins everything for you two.”

There’s a heartbeat of silence, of stillness, and then Jack sits down next to him, so close that his shoulder and leg press against Jeff’s. Sam mirrors his position on Jeff’s other side, and Jeff—is confused. This isn’t how they’re supposed to react.

“Jeff, you couldn’t ruin anything,” Jack says. It’s so blatantly wrong that Jeff almost wants to laugh.

“I love you. We love you.”

“We love you, and we’d like to date you. If that’s what you want,” Jack says. 

“You guys...want me?” Jeff asks. If not for the touch on both sides grounding him, he’s pretty sure it would feel like the world is shifting around him.

“Of course we do,” Sam says.

“How could we not?” Jack nudges Jeff’s foot with his own. “Have you seen your smile?”

“Or the way you laugh with your whole body and make everybody else want to start laughing too?”

“And your eyes. I love the way your eyes light up when you’re happy.”

“And don’t forget the dimple,” Sam says, reaching out and gently poking Jeff’s cheek. 

“Not to mention your hockey—“

“Jack!” Sam punches him in the arm, laughing, and Jeff finally releases his breath, letting himself lean into both of them and relax and laugh.

“We don’t want to be some unattainable dream,” Jack says once they’ve all quieted. “We just want to be with you.”

“Yeah. I’d like that too,” Jeff says. “I’d like that a lot.”

“I’m sorry we weren’t better about communicating from the start,” Sam says. “We didn’t mean to make you feel that—“

“Hey.” Jeff cuts him off gently. “It doesn’t matter anymore. Don’t worry about it.”

He feels kind of stupid now, looking back at their interactions over the season. It probably should’ve been obvious.

“Okay,” Sam says, putting a hand on Jeff’s jaw so he can turn his face and kiss him. Jeff feels Jack shift behind him, kissing his temple lightly.

“So,” Jack says when Sam and Jeff break apart, “come home for dinner with us? And spend the night?”

“And possibly longer?” Sam adds. 

Jeff laughs, looking between them. 

“Yeah. I think I could do that.”


End file.
